Becoming Unrooted

So, I forgot my root password. For non-technical types, that’s pretty much the key to the kingdom when you need to get full access to a computer, or install new software, or to make backups, or to fix something in an emergency. I use this little program called “sudo” all the time that lets you do most of the same things except with your own password. I guess it’d been so long since I’d actually needed that root password that it just slipped my mind. Still, I felt pretty dumb and resigned myself to coming up with a new one and resetting it on all the computers I use.

So, this morning something came up where I really needed that password, and without thinking I picked up a keyboard and mashed it out. It worked. “Oh joy,” I though. “I’ll just do it again and pay attention to what I’m typing.” Except that try as I might, I just can’t type that password if I’m consciously thinking about it.

This has not improved my outlook on an upcoming birthday in the slightest.

baby.lisp

In our household, a baby just ain’t a baby without an appropriately geeky birth announcement. And since Nick is mostly functional — I mean, he can’t exactly type yet — this one is in Lisp. Share and enjoy!

; This program forks().  That should be plenty for a few years' entertainment
; Copyright (C) 2007 Kirk & Jennifer Strauser

; This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
; it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
; the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
; (at your option) any later version.

; However, the output of this particular instance shall remain
; exclusively licensed to the authors for a period of up to eighteen
; years.

; $Id: baby.lisp 4 2007-09-05 23:18:12Z kirk $


(require :sb-posix)

(defvar *birthtime* (encode-universal-time 0 20 1 1 9 2007))

(defvar *age* (- (get-universal-time) *birthtime*))

(defun hello ()
  (format t "Hello, world!  My name is Nicholas Arthur Strauser and this is ~
my ~:r day!~%" (ceiling (/ *age* 86400))))

(defun labor ()
  (cond
   ((zerop (sb-posix:fork)) (format t "Ouch!~%"))
   (t (hello))))

(defun wait ()
  (cond
   ((< *age* 0)
    (sleep (- *age*))
    (setf *age* 0)
    (labor))
   (t (hello))))

(wait)

Vapor Rises

Dan Feather, aka “Vapor”, died today after he lost control of his motorcycle. Dan was remarkable for his quiet decency. There were many reasons to like him, but above all else, he was a good man.

Goodbye, friend. You leave behind many people who held you in high regard.

Rest well.

Down To The Uptown

As our anniversary dinner tradition, Jen and I drive to Stanton to eat at the Uptown Brewery. Each year, we ask each ourselves if we really want to go all the way down there. Each year, we decide that we’ll have a nice meal and that it’s not that far anyway. Each year, we wonder why we don’t go there more often. I don’t want to disparage any of the wonderful local places, but it really is true: the best restaurant in Norfolk is in Stanton.

The building itself is interesting and the service is always top-notch, but it’s the food that brings us back. We started with the seafood-stuffed mushrooms and moved to amazingly good tomato bisque and cream of chicken noodle soup. The entrees, though, were exceptional. Jen loved the seafood crepes, which were very similar to the stuffed mushrooms but so large that she could only eat one of the two. I ordered the steak Johannesburg, which is a thick cut of angus beef covered with chopped lobster in Madeira cream sauce, and remembered why it’s my usual.

I’m not a food critic, which you can pretty easily tell by my previous attempts at describing meals, nor have I read many restaurant reviews. I don’t know all the words I should use to tell you why you absolutely must take the trip to Stanton to see for yourself. Just trust me on this one, OK? Go. You’ll be glad you did.

I Am Awesome

I got the best fortune cookie ever a few days ago:

Your modesty will shame those with lesser knowledge.

What can I say? It was right.

Negotiations With Western Digital

We bought a Western Digital external hard drive for Jen’s computer while we were in Omaha. I hooked it up when we got home and it was dead on arrival. I called for an RMA (“return material authorization” — basically permission to return it to the manufacturer) and got the replacement a few days later. Unfortunately, they didn’t include a pre-paid shipping label to return the defective part, and the customer service guy wasn’t too keen on giving me one. I wasn’t asking for anything unreasonable or that they could justifiably deny, and here’s how I got one anyway:

CS guy: It’s not our policy to give out shipping labels. It’s the customer’s responsibility to pay for shipping.

Me: It’s not this customer’s policy to pay for shipping products that were dead on arrival.

CS guy: I see your point, but that’s not something we normally do.

Me: OK, but I’d sure appreciate it. I mean, I did you a favor by calling you instead of returning this to the store. I didn’t know I’d have to pay for it.

CS guy: Well, we don’t do a very good job of telling you that on our website. I can ask my supervisor, but I don’t think he’ll do it.

Me: I’ll hold.

[5 minutes go by]

CS guy: Sir, this isn’t something we do, but since these are special circumstances, we’ll do it just this one time. You’ll get it within a week.

Me: Thanks! Oh, and can you extend my deadline for returning the broken one by a few days since I don’t have the shipping label yet?

CS guy: (sighs) Yeah, OK. You can have an extra 10 days.

Note two important things: first, I was polite; second, I was assertive. Failure on either of those would have wrecked the whole deal.

Electronic Survival Kit

So, you’ve made a survival kit to keep you alive until the good guys come to rescue you. Well, now you’re starting life over in a new place. These are some of the things you might want to bring along.

References

How To Carry It

Electronically

Our primary goal is to make our data as easy to access as possible. This is critically important when you don’t know what kind of machine you may have to use to access your data. You might have a beautiful Mac or Unix workstation at home, but if you were at home and could use your computer, then the rest of this would be pointless. Regardless of what you normally use, expect to be using a Windows box to access it.

First, I highly recommend that you combine your files into a single Zip file. That’s because it’s much easier to manage one file than 100.

Second, and this is critically important, use an encryption program to put as password on the zip file! You’re going to be putting a lot of sensitive information in there, so don’t leave it out for any twit to find if you misplace your copy. I highly, highly recommend GNU Privacy Guard, or GPG. A package of it for Windows is available from http://www.gpg4win.org. Under no circumstances should you trust the lame “encryption” (bah!) that comes with some storage media like USB keychain drives, or such as is built into WinZip. I mean it! Use a stand-alone encryption program.

Don’t forget to put a copy of the installer on your backup media so that you’ll be able to unlock your data when you need it!

Third — and this is very important — create the zip file on your computer’s hard drive, then encrypt it, and finally move the encrypted file onto your backup media. You should never copy the unencrypted data onto that media! Even if you delete it afterward, it may be possible to recover the information.

By the same token, don’t decrypt the zipfile onto your backup media. Copy it onto the hard drive of the computer you’re using to access it, then decrypt it and unzip it from there. Of course, if you’re using a very public computer such as a rental at an Internet cafe, then that may actually be the worse option. Trust your own judgment, and let rampant paranoia be your guide.

Physically

A floppy ain’t gonna cut it. Your encrypted zipfile will probably be much larger than will fit on a floppy disk, unless your life is so simple that this is just an academic exercise. Your four main options, in the order I’d recommend them, are:

  1. USB “keychain” drive
    • Pros: they’re durable and can be reused thousands of times. They’re also much smaller than a CD-R.
    • Cons: fewer computers have USB slots than CD-ROM drives, although that’s changing as old machines are replaced — almost all new computers have them.
  2. CD-R
    • Pros: blank CD-Rs are cheap, most people have a CD burner (so you probably already have the equipment to make one), and almost every computer has a CD-ROM device to read it. Also, CD-Rs can hold a relatively huge amount of data for pennies.
    • Cons: every time you update your data, you have to throw away the old copy or risk packing away the wrong one. CD-Rs are relatively fragile; one fat scratch and your data is lost.
  3. DVD-R
    • Same pros and cons as CD-R, except they hold much more data but are not as widely available as USB slots.
  4. Free webmail account (Yahoo! Mail, Gmail, Hotmail, etc.)
    • Pros: access your data from any computer with Internet access. No physical media to lose or destroy.
    • Cons: it can take a long time to store or retrieve your data. Not every computer has Internet access. Your files may be larger than your webmail account can hold. If your webmail company is also destroyed in the disaster, you’re out of luck.

Remember, don’t forget to store a copy of the encryption program you’re using along with the encrypted data itself! Although you can always download another copy off the Internet, that may be inconvenient (especially if you don’t remember what it’s called because you just watched your house burn down and you’re under extreme duress).

Also, nothing says you can’t use more than one option. Just don’t forget to update all of them whenever you add more information.

Whichever you choose, it’s not a bad idea to store any physical media with your regular survival kit. If disaster strikes, you’re more likely to remember to grab your knife and matches than a CD-R or keychain drive.

The List

Store small amounts of information in a text file using an editor like Notepad (on Windows). Do not store it in a Word document! Believe it or not, many computers don’t have an office suite installed on them, and you’d be seriously limiting your access options at a time when you can least afford it.

When scanning documents, set the resolution to at least 125DPI (200 is preferable); greyscale (instead of color) is fine and will use less space). Use at least 300 for photos. Don’t just blindly turn your scanner to its highest setting, though, or you’ll never get all of your documents to fit onto your media.

  • Employment
    • Current resume
    • Examples of your work
    • High school and/or college diplomas
    • Letters of recommendation
    • References
  • Financial
    • Bank/investment accounts
    • Credit card numbers and expiration dates
    • Loan accounts
    • Insurance policy numbers
    • Contact numbers for all of the companies above!
  • Identification
    • Baptism/dedication certificates
    • Birth certificates
    • Driver’s license
    • Family photos (also important for morale!)
    • Fingerprints
    • Marriage certificate
    • Passport
    • Tax returns
    • Voice recordings
  • Medical
    • Dental records
    • Disease records
    • Immunization records
    • X-rays
  • Property
    • Deeds and titles
    • Wills
  • Contact information for lots of friends and relatives, preferably spread over a large geographical area so that they’re not all affected by the same disaster you’re fleeing

Summary

That list is pretty long and odds are you’ll never need it. However, if you do, won’t you wish you’d taken the time to get all this information together? Once you’ve managed to gather it, maintenance should be a snap — just make a new zip archive, encrypt it, and replace your old copy with the new one.

Just remember the basics:

  • Pick one or two of the most durable media that can hold all of your information.
  • Don’t trust the built in Zip encryption.
  • Don’t trust the built-in USB keychain drive encryption.
  • Don’t ever put your unencrypted data onto your backup media unless you have to.
  • Include an (unencrypted) copy of your encryption program’s installer, or a standalone version that can be run directly from your storage media.
  • Also include a copy of WinZip or another file extraction utility. Older versions of Windows don’t have that functionality built in.
  • Keep current!

If you do happen to be affected by a local disaster, this information could be incredibly useful. Think about how impressed an interviewer would be to find out that you brought your resume and work samples with you. Imagine how glad the police would be to get a high-quality picture of missing family members. You buy insurance for your house and cars, right? Think of this as cheap insurance for your way of life.

Fresh Sushi Better

Jen and I took Jake and Ari to Omaha. I had joked with Jake that I was going to make him eat sushi, and to my surprise he loved the idea. There was a restaurant downtown within walking distance of our day’s destination and I thought we’d leave Norfolk early and have an early lunch. On our way in, though, we were running a little late. As we passed Yet Another Strip Mall, I saw a big “SUSHI” sign and asked Jen if she wanted to see if it was busy rather than getting all the way downtown and finding out we didn’t have time to eat. She agreed and we pulled in.

What a surprise.

We ended up at Hiro Japanese Cuisine (on W. Maple, near Borders), and I state without exaggeration that it had the best sushi I’ve ever eaten. My nigiri plate was superb. Jake’s California roll was far better than I knew one could be. Jen’s tempura was fresh, crisp, and varied. Ari’s teriyaki chicken was tender and delicious. The salad dressing was so good that I was only halfway joking about tipping my bowl up and drinking it. There’s really not much more I can say; it was awe-inspiring.

The decor was elegantly cool, and I felt stylish simply for being there. Even the bathrooms were beautiful.

Our waiter was exceptionally good. He was funny but not annoying, and helpful without being condescending. For example, Jen poked her chopsticks into her rice bowl and left them there. Our waiter came by and whispered to her, and she blushed and started laughing: that’s apparently a symbol of death. However, he told her this discreetly and politely, rather than making fun of us ignorant folk behind our backs (or at least hiding it well if he did). The service easily ranked among the best we’ve had.

If you like sushi or other Japanese fare, you must try Hiro Japanese Cuisine. We will definitely be eating there whenever we visit Omaha from now on.

Mowing With Max

I have a nice Craftsman lawn mower. I like my lawn mower. I have no desire to get another lawn mower. And yet, I got another lawn mower. Jen bought a cordless string trimmer from someone she knows and they offered to throw in their mower for free, so why not?, we took it home.

I began mowing the lawn this weekend, and at one point I stopped to adjust the deck height on one side. When I tried to restart the engine, the pull cord snapped. Well, I couldn’t very well leave the lawn half-mowed, so I figured I’d try the “new” one. It started, which gave it an immediate advantage over the other.

After about two laps around the yard and listening to every single moving part squeak, rattle, or tick, and given the number of knobs and levers on the thing, I named it Max, as in “Mad Max”. If the bad guy from “The Road Warrior” had a wife, and she made him mow the lawn, he would have built something like this.

I guessed that it had to be either the cheapest, junkiest mower I’d ever seen, or the nicest I’d ever been around, for two reasons:

  1. It was monstrously heavy. It was self-propelled for the same reason as a Cadillac Escalade: if it wasn’t, it would be pretty useless.
  2. It had no safety equipment whatsoever. I don’t know how many times I got nailed by flying debris that shot out from the back of it.

And yet, it ran and did a pretty nice job. With any luck I’ll be able to fix the regular mower and use it next weekend, but if not, it’s nice knowing that the other hunk of snarling, deadly iron is available.

Pre Packaged Sushi Not Bad

I was buying groceries and saw a new display of pre-packaged plastic boxes of sushi. In the middle of Nebraska. Supermarket sushi. The idea kind of horrified me, but eventually my curiosity got the best of me and I had to try some. I settled on the spicy surimi roll and threw it in the cart. As I was checking out, I asked the cashier if anyone else ever bought these, or if I was the guinea pig. “Oh yeah,” she said. “We sell lots of it!”

Later that afternoon, Jake was asking for a snack so I recruited him to help me try it. The package came with little packets of soy sauce and wasabi, and the sushi itself looked pretty good. Steeling my nerves, I tried it.

The first bite wasn’t bad.

Jake was digging in, and I took a second, less-timid bite. No, not bad at all.

By the time we’d finished, Jake was loving it and I was pretty happy I’d taken the chance.

It certainly wasn’t Haruno, but it was actually pretty decent and something I’d gladly buy again. It was made by Fuji Food Products, Inc., and had a blue-and-gold “Fujisan” logo on the dark red-orange tape strip.

Decent sushi in Norfolk, from a grocery store cooler of all places. Who’d have thought?

Long Weekends

Summer’s upon us again. The kids just got out of school on Wednesday, which reminded me that my last post was to say that the kids were just starting back and I haven’t said a word since then. Anyway, we have them signed up for pretty much every summer sport offered and Gabby’s getting ready to start piano lessons, so they’ll be keeping pretty busy.

Jen and I have been mulching the flower gardens, to the tune of about one pickup load of mulch per weekend. We’ve put down about 4 tons now, and I think we’re finally getting to the end of it. Which is good. Because at this point, if I never move another handful of the stuff, that’ll be fine by me.

Up In The Morning And Out To School

Well, it’s officially school time again. Gabby and Ari started back yesterday, and Jake went this morning for the first time.

Gabby seemed really happy. She got in line with her friends and immediately jumped back into the swing of things.

When we took Ari into the Montessori preschool, she ran off to play with the other kids as if she’d been there all along. When I picked her up in the afternoon, she told me that she’d learned how to read (so I suppose that they’ll cover math today, and maybe start on biology next Monday).

Jake looked a little unsure this morning, but he was mostly smiling as he lined up and walked to class. I just wish I’d remembered to bring his bookbag and a camera. These are the things that happen when I’m the one who gets the kids ready for school. At least they were fed, dressed and clean.

Tilden Days

Last weekend, we took the kids to Tilden’s “Prairie Days” festival, a celebration that raises money for various local organizations.

Events included:

  • Whiplash, the dog-riding monkey. We arrived about ten minutes too late to see him, which was unfortunate because he was the main thing the kids were looking forward to.

  • An officially-sanctioned cow chip throwing contest. I didn’t know there was an official governing body for such things, but there is. Winners were eligible to compete in the World Championship Cow Chip Throw.

  • The First Annual Drag Your Nag Contest. Men carried their wives or girlfriends through an obstacle course, and the winning team earned the woman’s weight (in pounds) in dollars. Jen and I had registered, but when we discovered that:

    1. All the other men looked like firefighters or bullriders and were in much better shape than me,
    2. Almost everyone else was in their early 20s, and
    3. The obstacle course included a mud pit and we weren’t wearing old clothes,

    we (I) chickened out and watched from the sidelines.

We had a great time, though, and gorged ourselves on watermelon. Congratulations on another great year, Tilden!

Running Before Walking

The kids started swimming lessons yesterday. They all had a great time and left smiling. As I was putting Jake to bed, I asked him about his day:

Me: What was your favorite part of swimming lessons?

Jake: Jumping off the diving board.

Me: Really?

Jake: Yeah. It was a little scary, though.

Me: Well, sometimes the most fun things are a little scary.

Jake: Yeah. (pause) I wish I’d done a back flip.

If God Meant For Man To Roll

It seemed like such a simple idea at the time: I’d buy a cheap bike and ride to work whenever possible. I’d get fresh air, exercise, and a tan, and most importantly I’d save money on gas (because I’m a cheapskate and hate paying $3.00 per gallon regardless of whether I can afford it).

So, I went to Happy Fun Land — what we call Wal-Mart when we want to antagonize the kids — and picked up their $80 generic mountain bike. In short, that lasted for a grand total of two (2) round trips to work before a broken chain ended my patience with its mechanical problems.

Wal-Mart kindly allowed me to exchange that lame horse for a slightly more expensive and much nicer Schwinn. I rode it to work exactly once before getting a flat tire.

It’s the little things, really. Chains are easy to fix and cheap to replace, and flat tires aren’t a big deal, but as of today I’ve spend about $50 per ride and I still don’t currently have a working bike. Maybe some of us are just meant to drive.

How To Make A Survival Kit

On my birthday in 2005, I read a Slashdot article discussing what things you might want to take with you if you had to evacuate your home. This was only a few months after Hurricane Katrina leveled southern Louisiana and Mississippi, so quite a few people had given this a lot of recent thought.

The article started off talking about which personal documents you should take copies of (driver licenses, marriage certificates, passports, etc.) — in other words, an electronic survival kit. However, the topic soon veered off into the kinds of things you need to physically stay alive. That made me realize that I’ve never made any such preparations, short of putting some bottled water in our tornado shelter. Below is a summary of the recommendations I came across.

Note: This isn’t meant as a list of things you’ll need to form your own private society out in the desert. I have absolutely zero interest in “survivalism”; I just want to have the stuff needed to keep me and my family alive until the National Guard arrives.

Second note: I primarily wrote this for me and my family. It’s biased towards scenarios that I might have to cope with, but completely ignores things that I could never hope to deal with anyway (such as being lost at sea).

References

How To Carry It

There are two schools of thought here:

  1. Pack everything inside a small metal pan that you can use for cooking, carrying water, etc.
    • Pros: no wasted space or weight
    • Cons: small metal pans can get crushed or soaked
  2. Put everything “fragile” inside a hardened case, like an OtterBox
    • Pros: your gear stays dry and intact
    • Cons: the box isn’t probably very intrinsically useful

Your application affects your choice very heavily. If you plain to carry mainly camping gear that’s pretty durable, the first option is probably your best choice. If you expect to carry many fragile items, such as an electronic survival kit or other small electronics, then the second is likely better. I personally use an OtterBox.

The List

Note, some of this is blatantly, word-for-word plagiarized from the above sources. My goal is to condense their ideas into one handy list, and there are only so many ways to say “strike anywhere matches”.

  • Instructions

  • Tools

    • Good, metal knife
    • Small multi-tool (for the scissors, screwdrivers, etc.)
    • Compass
    • Thermometer
    • Magnifying glass — possibly a Fresnel lens
    • Flashlight with batteries, preferably with a blinker
  • Metal dining utensils (that can be sanitized before and after use)

  • Fire starters — at least one of:

    • Strike anywhere matches in a waterproof safe
    • Firestarting piston
    • Disposable lighter
    • Magnesium/flintbar
  • Water

    • Personal water filter
    • Water purifying straw
    • Water purification tablets
  • Several sheets of paper and a pencil

  • A bottle of alcohol. Distilled, drinkable grain alcohol is best.

  • Medicine / Health

    • Anti-diarrheals
    • Aspirin
    • Antihistimines — to counter allergic reactions
    • Any other drugs you personally need to stay alive
    • Scalpel blades
    • Sunscreen
    • Suture kit
  • Homemade soda can stove

  • 5 pounds of gorp (“good old raisins and peanuts”)

  • Emergency blanket

  • Ziploc Baggies

  • Camelback water reservoir recently filled with known good water

  • 100 feet of parachute cord

  • Wool cloth. Two shirtweight pieces 45"X 72". One heavier weight 60"X108". These are your clothes, your hammock, your chair, your carryall, etc. Do not substitute cotton!

  • Three yards of 36" wide cotton could come in handy as well. This is your hat, your belt, your shoulder bag, your sling, etc.

  • Clothing

    • Two pair of wool socks
    • Waterproof, windproof shell or parka. Yes, even if you’re in a tropical zone.
    • Work gloves for digging through post-disaster rubble
    • A warm hat
  • A pennywhistle or any other tiny musical instrument. If you can turn a disaster into a party, your odds of survival will go up.

  • Signalling

    • Referee’s whistle
    • Mirror
    • Mini LED flashlight
  • Money — your eventual goal is to get back to civilization

  • Repairs

    • Mini roll of duct tape
    • Sewing needle and thread
    • Safety pins
  • 9’x7’ painting tarp (to make a tent) or a few trashbags

  • Slingshot kit — can be used to kill small game or fish

The Piano's Broken

We got a used piano a few months ago. After we cleaned it and put it where we wanted it, I played a few short songs (poorly). Throughout the rest of the day, we’d occasionally hear one of the kids hitting a few keys and laughing.

Several hours later, Jake came up to me with some bad news:

Jake: Daddy, I think the piano’s broken.

Me, alarmed: Why? What happened?

Jake, upset: I pressed all the keys, but it didn’t make the right music come out.

Our Bird Is Dead

Gabby was in the preschool at Christ Lutheran School, and her classroom had a caged parakeet. One day Gabby told me that their bird was dead. Since she was only three years old at the time, I didn’t think she knew what that meant, so I asked her about it:

Me: What do you mean, dead?

Gabby: I mean, the bird died.

Me: But what do you mean when you say that it died?

Gabby: It began to stink, so my teacher had to put it in a box and bury it.

Oh. I guess she knew what she was talking about after all.

They Were How Big?

Well, today was the big day — Jake and Ari had their tonsils removed. The doctor said Jake’s were nearly as large as golf balls, so the poor little guy had to have been miserable.

The operations went off without a hitch, and they’re both recovering nicely (if irritably) at home.