Hi! You’re the guy who sat behind me at my 8-year-old daughter’s teeball practice. I thought you’d want to know that you were talking loudly enough for everyone to hear you, including the coaches. I mean, we could all tell that’s why you were bitching so loudly the whole time, and I figured you’d be happy that you were heard.

Now, I’m sure you’re an expert in the game. You definitely sounded like it from 30 feet away! Still, I thought perhaps you might appreciate a few clarifications:

  • When our daughters were sitting on the ground talking to their coach, she was explaining terms like “offense”, “defense”, and “sportsmanship”. I know you thought she should have been teaching them how to play baseball (because you said so firmly and repeatedly), but I’m certain she meant well.
  • You were rather bothered that the coach didn’t teach the girls how to bat by lifting their front foot to swing harder. Rest assured, should our daughters advance beyond the first week of girls’ 8-year-old teeball, their future coaches will show them this technique.
  • Although you and I are past our athletic primes and the bases seem farther apart than they used to, I don’t think it really takes fifteen seconds to run from each base to the next. In fact, I’m fairly positive I could hop that fast with a broken ankle. I only mention this specifically because you sounded quite authoritative as you explained this to your son and everyone else on our bleachers, and may wish to update your calculations.

While I’m sincerely honored to have been the recipient of your shared wisdom, I respectfully request that during future practices you endeavor to please shut up and watch our little girls play. Thanks!