I worked as a software developer with a strongly opinionated manager. He believed that we'd achieve Peak Programmer Productivity™️ by standardizing on one common desktop setup. Of course, that meant we'd all be writing Python code in Eclipse or some other similar abomination that he liked that month. This is for him.

From now on, we'll all play the piano. This nonsense of everyone knowing a different instrument is costing us time and money. I've played the piano for years, and I know you're going to like it.

Yes, you too, violinists. Vibrato? In my time as a pianist, I've never needed it.

Drums? A piano is a percussion instrument. How many kinds of percussion do we need? What's that? No, they're not that different. Tempo, rhythms, yes, yes, we'll still have all that.

Huh, woodwinds. Good point. Well, there are more percussion and string players than woodwind...ists, so they can figure something out.

OK, we're getting sidetracked here. Look, this is going to be good for you, too! There are more pianos than violins – yes, and clarinets... what's that? Yes, and probably trumpets, too. Anyway, there are a lot of pianos. The next place you go will probably have a piano, so you'll have a leg up if you ever leave here. Not that you would, am I right? But see, I'm only thinking of your careers.

Yes, I know we're picking my favorite instrument. That's a coincidence. I've looked into lots of instruments, but we can all agree that pianos have certain advantages that... Who threw that? Indoor voices, please! Anyway, I've looked into lots of instruments... no, I haven't ever played a flute, but you'll find that... no, I will not be shoving a piano there, thank you very much!

Alright, meeting's over. Pianos. That's what we're all using, starting — hey, I don't appreciate that language. Let's all act like professional adults here.