I opened the box containing the replacement shower drain cover, and its bag of screws — which is what I most wanted in the first place — fell to the ground. The cat grabbed it and ran off when I yelled at him to put it down. Now I’m back to having just 1 of the 2 screws needed to hold the cover in place.

In case you were wondering how my day was starting.

Far be it from me to tell anyone to clean their gutters, but if you have cattails growing in yours, it may be time.

A popular public transit app’s year end recap labeled me “Lord Tool, the Bus Punk”.

Uh, alright, I guess?

The dentist’s office has full-blown novels in the waiting room, which bodes ill for expected waiting times.

My coworker Secret Santa gets me.

A seasonal reminder that a “fun size” Twix bar would be roughly the size of my forearm, and anything less is false advertising.

When I see the HH logo on clothing, my first thought is Harter House, a local butcher shop where I grew up. My second thought is Hamburger Helper, and I think that’s probably the correct answer.

“Challenge: Name the worst possible TV show you can imagine.”

This is what a dare looks like.

This is a copy-paste of a conversation I just had with my kid.

Kid: Can I get a ride home at like 10:15

Me: Yeah

Kid: Never mind im gonna be here late

Me: Oh, OK

Kid: Okay like can u do 10:17?

That’s still within the margin of error of when I was going to be there in the first place.